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Inner Self

Fragments, Pieces, and Chips....

Posted on 2008.05.22 at 02:39
Current Music: White Zombie - Feed the Gods
Well being the slacker I am on updates. I had the urge to write some.In recent news I finally found a JOB!!! Fucking finally shitty ass economy. Well being the regular coffee drinker I am, I actually found a job at a coffee shop which is bad ass. Well haven't really heard had the job but got an interview and being that must make it happen. hardest part finding jobs is always that first interview so after that should be chill lets hope. Interview is on Sunday at 1:30 P.M. which is an awesome time not too early at all. Besides that been playing my WoW very much so kinda a daily ritual of mine or what may some say as a "ADDICTION". Anyways but looking around here and there trying to find some more musicians to work with on a new project of just whatever metal madness we can create through our fucked up minds and creativity. Even though Andrew and I are going to be getting shit going still wanna make music on a more local basis and get out more ideas and passions. Andrew and I I'm sure create some awesome Black metalish stuff but I still have the love for music thats metal based but on a different level then Black Metal. Since spending much time with myself and my girl of course you really discover what you love and appreciate more. With always loving that thrash metal I always enjoy that heavy rockin metal stuff like White Zombie,Pantera, Sturmgeist, King Diamond.Been stuck on a White Zombie kick as of late.Damn wish I could've seen them live back in the 90's would have been so bad fucking ass. Oh well music scenes today just FAIL!!! Haven't really come across anything on the newer side that makes me go Whoa Wow Wee. Moving on couple of days ago My lady and I went up to the Chabot space and science center for a late night Outer space viewing. Man that place is bad ass. The day was just a good one started off with getting up and ready and all the rituals then headed out stop at the good ol Bucks. We got us 2 free drinks which was awesome then we proceeded onwards to the Space and Science center well being late nights they have free viewing of the stars, moon and planets so we got there and parking was free along as getting an up close view of the good outer space. Always have just seen for an eye's view and pictures so seeing those amazing things as if its under a glass right before you was just amazing. To see the ridges and craters on the moon bad ass, hands down. Then looking a cluster of stars 35 million light years away was crazy. It was like 100's of them in this cluster look like space electricity or star fire. I just recently saw Iron Man and the 2nd Narnia Movie's. Iron man started a little slow for me to be honest. But when he gets suited up that was bad ass. Just need some more epic fights being its a super hero marvel movie but I just it was gearing up for the 2nd one which makes sense. For Narnia it was entertaining wasn't some WoW movie but was chill. Just didn't have the same epicness as the first had it's moments. Gonna try to catch new Indiana Jones of course its a must see. Indiana Jones is just awesome. He gets travel see these crazy places, always a new adventure and to top it always get the chick so come on hands down bad ass. I actually wanna catch that new Hulk movie that looks awesome. I'm sure Edward Norton will rock it, looks much better then the one they did few years back. Geez theres your movie updates. Been thinking and come to decide that I'm gonna venture back into school. I really haven't put much thought or work into my future. Always kinda just live day by day and now evaluating myself and future in 5 years from now or when I'm 30 really need to have myself in a good location with some security of surviving through the fucked up world. Gonna pursue my passions but in other ways other then just one. Really work on things that I just find interest and enjoy. I owe many of this credit to Hilary for really sticking by me and helping through things. I don't look at she made me but just brought out those things which inside me I had not paid attention to or just plain ignored in all. Well on that note check you later.

Inner Self


Posted on 2008.04.22 at 22:24
Current Music: King Diamond- A Secret
So yea I have been job hunting as of late at first slacking off of course, but been applying everywhere that seems chill. Well I picked up the pace a bit as of late and GOD DAMN the BAY FUCKING AREA sucks for jobs. Shit we have so many damn people here and what not but jobs man good lord are a bitch to find, Well unless you wanna work at Mickey D's or Jack in the Crack but lets just say "FUCK THAT" didn't work there as a teen not gonna apply in this time frame. So yea thats been my 1st priority as of late but still throwing in time for what not. So a week ago Hilary and I went to the Dimmu Borgir, Behemoth, and Keep of Kalessin show. So we got there as Keep of Kalessin end which sucked that was the band I really wanted to see, but meh their new music has taken more of a trend of these days style, and some people I knew there said they only played new stuff so didn't matter then , for Behemoth well if you seen Behemoth before that was what it was like boring and repetitive. I really enjoy there early 90's workings of old skool Black Metal style but this new Death Metal crossbreed shit is just lame I just don't like, well unless your Zyklon. For Dimmu Borgir wow what a disappointment. I mean shit guys what the fuck?? Band has just gone to shit. It was like fucking mini Ozzfest at the show. Just sad I love their old stuff so much such a shame. OH yea besides arriving late as Hilary and I did we had to buy tickets from a damn scalper. The floor at the Warfield sold out and frankly I'm not one for being stuck in the back of a show. I tend to like to move around and what not. Also noted earlier this month Hilary and I went to the CU LaTour with Ministry there final tour so they are saying. Well sadly this was a terrible show its self as well. They played nothing but the new shit and fuck man enough about President Bush yea he sucks whatever get over it. So when there encore came they brought out a surprise guest which was the Singer of Fear Factory, WTF!!!! Lame , lame , lame dude Fear Factory sucks balls and on the encore they played old songs with this dudes shitty wanna be Death Metal vocals sorry man your no Chris Barnes. So it totally butchered the songs we ended up leaving early.

Thats my concert going details as of late. Next show planning to hit is Arch Enemy at the end of this month I believe or next month. Got some other shows lined up for the summer like the RETURN of AT THE GATES!!!!! So excited! This I'm sure will be damn good. I'm hoping for but nothing is confirmed at this time but King Fucking Diamond is suppose to be hitting the US in Fall for the reschedule tour from the previous canceled one. So weird so my creative drive is usually always up and down, well today when I was getting ready I had this vision of turning this empty 12 pack soda box into this sculpture of blood, flesh and fire. I don't why but it just hit and I remember how awesome the statue looked in Hellraiser 3 : Hell on Earth and I had to start a small personal version. So yea worked on that today for sometime. Musically I'm getting restless tired of nothing happening. Andrew and I aren't gonna be doing anything till June sometime and I just can't find any thing OnLine to DL a program from to create shit and what not. I've been sorta putting small ideas together and getting going on a small scale but still needs much work. I've been going back to my roots to gain that creative root to call it, that I had sometime ago. Kinda lost myself there for a while , and I'm trying to craft myself of a more well rounded musician to say. Oh in some news I have been curving my WoW play cutting it down, getting myself to do other activities. Which I must say has been a nice thing. Wells that sums it up for now, Check you later.

Inner Self


Posted on 2008.04.15 at 22:19
Current Music: Tulus-Demise
Hey I have a question, now I am trying to download some music making programs and I can't seem to find any website that have anything to what I want , referring to only trail/demo versions. If any of you know a safe site where I can download free full music making software please let me know I've been searching here now and cant find shit.

Inner Self


Posted on 2008.03.27 at 04:51
Current Music: Kovenant-Sindrom
Well as time to time when chilling in the late nites at me lady's house I will browse through You Tube for WoW movies and what not well thanks to my awesome WoW community someone posted a funny song of these Taurens and Undead singing. Well as I got stuck watching a few funny fan made WoW movies I came upon this one video "Inventing Swear Words 3". Well LOL I know since some of you on me friends list don't play WoW and find it rather stupid but in all LOOK AT THIS VIDEO from a funny aspect. Anyways check it out:

Inner Self

Music Workings!!!

Posted on 2008.03.25 at 04:14
Current Music: Khold-Kalbleke Hender
Well if you read my last post you would know that I am starting up music again. Picking up where I left off and getting back my passion to do what I love. As I have stated last post I had so many ideas and things I wanted to happen musically and I had a certain individual in mind that I wanted to work with in a core writing process and music wise. The person I had in mind was good friend and ex band mate Andrew AKA: Droom. Well Andrew has been living in Hawaii for sometime and him and I have exchanged emails here and there over the time of his absence keeping in touch as we have always remained good friends even after the departure of the band. Well he finally got off the island and has moved back into the states not to the Bay Area but somewhere not too far in distance. Well Andrew and I are going to work together again to pick up where we left off. Which I'm very excited about I have missed this guy very much and love working with him just a really fun time and music for us together has always been what we have tried at the time to create. We will not be reviving Ilvestgrol but starting a new project and new music possibly throw in an old remix or what not but who knows yet. Nothing is set in stone at this moment but just ideas flowing only thing is it will be new project and music. Not to get ahead of myself or spew out whatever, Andrew and I will hopefully releasing material sometime this year and then getting back into playing live for we both have expressed how we miss it LOL. Anyways not going to ramble on and on as I have said I'll be updating my LJ with workings until music is ready to put online and create a myspace and site for it. All I can say is Wasteland Metal is BACK and prepare to see the Destruction which will be released.

Inner Self

" Back From the Grave"

Posted on 2008.03.08 at 21:01
Current Music: Khold-Blod Og Blek
So basically I had my band Ilvestgrol awhile back and things were great and fun. I learned a lot of performing in a band and music 101. After Ilvestgrol ended with the departure of Andrew I then started a metal project titled 'Entangled in Agony" with fellow band mates Joel and Lorenzo from Ilvestgrol. We changed up our positions as I picked up drums, Joel continued on bass while picking up vocals and Lorenzo picked up guitar duties. Well we wrote 7 songs and played a total of 3 shows. It was short lived due to the constant clashing of ideas and wants with a topping of my grand attitude. I grew very bored of the project just wasn't projecting how I felt inside and ideals that I wanted to share. Ever since that I have been a real slump of doing nothing much musically besides the fooling around at home. But for the past few days I have had this brewing fire to recreate where I left off. I don't miss so much the shows as I do as writing and creating the music as a band with people that share ideals and add their own. So basically I am going to acquire the music instruments that I need and try to form a core band with either 1-2 more members. I always really enjoyed working with one other and bring in session live members more on the lines of which I'd like to do to start with and perhaps add more members full time more down the road . I have so many ideas and what not around and want to bring them to life. I'm gonna try to get this going, I already have one individual in mind that would be ideal for the skills and personality he brings. If any of you have any musical skills to offer and interested in working on at least a track please let me know just be patient for this isn't a project I plan on rushing. I will be conducting a musical style of metal, classical, experimental in a very heavy, dark erotic way with chaos. Keep your eyes open for I will be updating my here LJ with workings till I have a few songs to upload online for the making of a myspace for listening pleasure.

Inner Self

"Skies turn to red, the Angels froze to Ice"

Posted on 2008.03.05 at 23:39
So a while back I was on good ol You Tube searching for Dissection stuff. Well coming across Jon tribute videos, one video really struck me. This video isn't a visual type, but the cover of "Where Dead Angels Lie" on piano is completely beautiful. The song sounds so much darker and so beautiful. This song has been a favorite of mine since first hearing years ago. I really encourage all of you to stop and listen. Man I really wished I had the chance to grace Jon's musical playing
live. One of my favorite bands I will never get to feel the atmosphere live. Actually heres a second video with a collection of pictures of his life with an amazing cover of " Starless Aeon" on organ. Well off I go thinking I'm going to revamp the Myspace. Figured what the hell.

Inner Self

Symphony of Sorrow

Posted on 2008.02.26 at 08:47
Current Music: The Kovenant- Spaceman
Been a long time since I have stumbled upon any website as of late. This year has been a really chaotic ride of emotions as so far. starting in January for the loss and death of my beloved cat lizzy. who I had for 8 years adopting form the animal shelter at the age of 2. She was an awesome very unique cat. I've had several pets in my days but I had never been so attached to one as I was to her. She was a beautiful creature of this world and I will never forget her time. Funny how humans, we get so attached to animals. They do not speak to us in common language but only the feeling of their presence. Many people can just say it's an animal whatever get over it. How can you just move on when you love something so much that doesn't even love you or feel as you do. Yea I just love cats a beautiful specie of this world. So yea that was kinda hard to deal with but I embraced it and was just focusing on things of joy. Well February hits. Starting as a normal month well I get a call from my sister on February 12th saying my brother Mark had committed suicide. At first I reacted as no way stop fucking with me. But it was true he hung himself in a closet with a wire of some sort. At first I was just worried about the family's emotion and not really reacting to it. I was just kinda not all there. When Monday the 18th arrived we had a viewing to pay our respects. The viewing was very weird watching a love one lay there dead only to look as there are asleep. The morning of the 19th the funeral was taking place. I'd never been to a funeral or know anyone I truly care and love for die. This was a very weird experience for me. The funeral broke me down bringing me to my knees and drowning myself inside with tears. Mark was great person a very smart, witty, comical, self driven person with great inner power to stay focus and strong. he was someone i idealized and looked up to growing as a kid. He always treated me great and fucked with me as always 24/7. he knew how to make everyone around him laugh and just get out of your closed minded ways. For nothing was safe when he was around from a good joke. Mark always looked after me asa kid as I would always cause trouble as a punk ass. I never had a horrible time ever kicking it with me. The last time we kicked it and had a blast was one day we went to starbucks being the coffee junking he was. We went down there got us some White Mocha's and took a pill together and just cracked jokes for a while and bullshitted. Many people don't really know me besides Hilary. I don't do good with knowing things are absolute. I don't deal with things that I have no say or change to it drives me crazy. Knowing my brother is gone and not here in this form of life just saddens me. I didn't spend too much time with him in last couple years being I'm a little older and just been doing my own thing. I always made sure to keep in touch and everything. One thing for sure is that I loved him and love the moments we had. I will never forget the times we shared and look forward to the next journey together. For he now forever sleep in eternal peace and have great strength for his new journey.

As of now there's been 4 things that have been helping me get through this loss is 1. Hilary 2. My Happy pills
3. Dissection and 4. World of warcraft. These 4 essences have made me really be strong for this. Well I don't know about happy pills but I just need and want those. In an uplifting news World of warcraft is having a world tournament for cash prices up too 200K. I've spent so much time in Azeroth and now the time has come to make my playing count for something more then just an addiction. There are setting the tournament a 3v3 player vs. player. It will be a 3 month long battle to the top. Hilary and I will be doing it and will be searching for one more team mate to destroy with. Wish us luck. Also OMG you assholes out there seen the new season of LOST? wow wee! Things are really picking up right now. I swear LOST is just fucking amazing in every aspect. I've never seen a show where they can just have such good twist and turns. As well as making you constantly make you like and dislike so many people on the show. It just leaves you with having to want to see the next episode. I must make this complaint see World of warcraft does this thing of server shutdowns to fix any problems to keep the game working at goodness and since 5 am this morning they are working on the servers and won't be able to play til 11 am this fucking sucks oh whatever shall I do.So hilary took some awesome photos of me a while back and i really never put them up for myself and figured hey why not? So here i'll share some with yall to see. before i end this entry I would also like to thank Erich "eat the Rich" for the awesome card and CD to show your sympathy for my loss. Much appreciated.


Beyond the HorizonCollapse )

Inner Self

From the Depths

Posted on 2008.01.22 at 02:38
Current Music: Dissection: Night's Blood

Well been a few since I've updated. LJ is like one of those things I have to be in the writing sense of mood. Since I don't share or put lyrics more of the fact of afraid of putting them online before in a liner notes for a album or something. With so many posers and fakes trying to live there lives through others creation and ideals. Perhaps one of these days I'LL just say Fuck it and starting putting up my writings but whatever. Anyways So Hilary and I celebrated out 7year anniversary on January 14TH. I booked us a room in Monterey to see the Ocean, go shopping at cool little stores and the Bay Aquarium. The trip wasn't just a anniversary trip but a must needed change of scenery. The trip was awesome still missing Monterey as of now. We left on the 14TH early evening, we got pretty cool traffic wasn't bad at all which was nice(can't stand traffic). So we arrived at our LODGE around 8ish PM. Our room was awesome we had huge bed, fireplace, personal hot tube and many electronic devices around the room. When we arrived we unload all our crap and chilled for a sec. Then we head across the street to pick up some shit we forgot and wanted for the room from Longs DRUGS and Walgreens. We returned to our room and both took a Happy PILL and relaxed for a bit watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind which is an amazing movie I must add. Anyways on point so after chilling for awhile in our most awesome room we wanted to go out and get some food. So we got ready and headed out cruising Monterey looking for a good place to eat but everything was already closed and we didn't feel like Denny's or Tacobell. So we headed to the 24 hour Safeway and searched around until we decided that we would make bagel sandwich's which we amazing they consisted of Thomas "Everything" style with Mustard, Deli sliced cheese, and sprouts. These we no ordinary bagel sandwich's but The MotherFucking Best. Damn they were good. We had them with Sunchips, Cheese horns and Vitamin water. Very awesome meal indeed. So we later decided to try the Hot tub which we couldn't avoid using, come on! So we filled it high up so the jets would reached and work right we surrounded the tub top with candles, pills and smokes. So as we are chilling Hilary says "I want Bubbles" well I'd have to agree. So we poured a small bottle of shampoo inside it and well lets say BUBBLE MADNESS!!! The bubbles got huge and wouldn't stop growing. At first we were like shit, shit what we gonna do? So we turned the jets off for a bit realizing
that they were expanding the bubble size LOL. But WTF I want jet power. So I turned them back on
and the bubbles grew more awesome shit. We must have chilled in there for 2 hours it was relaxing and just overall great. We then head out and get comfy and head to bed to watch something on the TV which I can't remember what and eventually fall asleep to wake back up at 9am since we were only staying a night and check out was at 11am THOSE BITCHES!! So yea surprising we woke up on time to get ready and head down to the wharf area and to the Bay Aquarium. But as we leaving our room we decided to head to Pebble Beach which was only like 15mins away. We take this awesome road through the trees down to the beach. We get to the beach and damn it was cold. We walk up to see this tree split apart and broken down. We start taking photos around the tree which we find out from a local that the tree was a landmark and the storm in which just hit Northern California broke the tree down. Damn thats some crazy wind HOLY SHIT!! We head further down the beach in which we explore and take numerous photos. After chilling at the beach for about an hour or two we then head back to the car to go to the Aquarium. So we arrived in the wharf area and park in a garage then walk down to the aquarium. We buy our tickets and head in. First exhibit was Octopus's and fish. The Octopus's looked crazy been long time since either of us have been here and was awesome. We then head to the food court and get a drink and these awesome chocolate covered sun flower seeds very nice. So we then head more into the aquarium exploring all in which we saw jelly fish of all colors and sizes, fish, sharks, weird things, birds, string rays(which I'll add made a mating gesture at Hilary LOL) then Sea otters and many other sea life creatures. We then depart from the amazing Aquarium and lit up a smoke and head back to the car to head to this antique mall we saw the night before driving around looking for food. We head to the store and WOW this place was huge with stuff everywhere possible and 2 stories WOW WEE!!! We got to look around for about 30mins due to the fact they were closing. So the sad part came we had to head back home Nooooooo! Anyways realizing Monterey kicks more ass then our local area but we accept it and continue driving back . Well as we approach closer home I bring up the idea lets go see a movie eat some popcorn, nachos, slurpee and candy. We agreed that depending on show times we would either see AVPR or Sweeny Todd. Well we saw the times and went with Sweeny Todd. Which was an awesome movie indeed much better then I thought it was gonna be. very dark and great story with awesome imagery. Well after the movie we went to Hilary's house for a bit then head to my house where we popped a pill put in Buffy the Vampire slayer season 3 disc on and that concludes our awesome trip.


Reflecting as if it was only Yesterday.

Posted on 2008.01.01 at 01:08
Current Music: Susperia: Of Hate We Breed
Well It's 2008 now wow. Seems as if 2007 has flown by. Many things have happen over the year and several things have enlighten me to better places. When reflecting over the year I look bad and have had much good times as well as madness. over all the 2007 has really helped me musically and has shown me how much Hilary and I are stronger then before. I feel Hilary and I have had some journey of good and bad. No need to go into the details of our Relationship besides the fact I adore and love her unlike no other. Musically I have had a shitty year. With my departure from the band of Ilvestgrol and Entangled in Agony. Andrew and I still friends with no hard feeling as well as keep in contact here and there. For Joel and Lorenzo we are no longer friends. It started as Lorenzo and I argued about musically progression and style of which we both would like to do, which honestly is stupid to argue over. Then with me leaving the band and studio Joel cut me off. No hard feelings toward him. I could understand a bit for my times as an egotistically asshole and what not. But still I tried to keep in contact with him and remain friends but guess he felt differently. But through this all I really have my mind set towards what I want to accomplish musically this year and to progress as. As fucked up as the bands were I'm glad for it showed me what not to do as well as act. also what I truly plan to work towards. I look at 2008 as the year to become a free individual. I plan on setting my goals towards 1. Driver license 2. Moving out from my parents house to become independent to face the challenges of reality on my own place and work 3. To hit college for building a career. 4. Working towards my musically dreams. That sums up the big goals of this year. Got 364 days to get them done, Its a long shot but I believe I can get them done.

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