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Inner Self


Posted on 2007.12.30 at 02:59
Current Music: Dissection: Maha Kali
I woke up about an Hour and half ago, Wow Wee slept all day. Guess it was recover full rest day or whatever. I tend to not get that much sleep anymore usually 4-6 hours a day sometimes more and less, but its never consistent so yea had to regenerate I guess. Well any ways so I got out of bed and did the morning shit brush teeth take a piss yea yea the usual. I then head out to the garage where me and the Hilster kick it. she already engaged into having conversations online. I then grab a smoke and my meds. After doing so I grab my Ipod and put on Dissection for some good music waking up to while the meds kick in. So while listening to " God Of Forbidden Light" Track 8 on Reinkaos the last studio album of the great band and Jon's masterwork. I had this entire theory and vision I guess you could call it. Jon decided to end his life by his on choice on August 16th 2007 or so they say. Heres the story which was released on internet:

"As rumors have started to spread we feel obliged to confirm Jon Nödtveidt's death. Jon Nödtveidt was a man who lived his life according to his convictions and True Will. A couple of days ago he chose to end his life by his own hands. As a true Satanist he led his life in the way he wanted and ended it when he felt that he had fulfilled his self-created destiny. Not everyone will have understanding or acceptance for his personal path in this life and beyond, but all must respect his choice.

Those of us who have met him in his last days can assure that he was more focussed, happier and stronger than ever. It is our full conviction that he left this world of lies with a scornful laughter, knowing that he had fulfilled everything that he had set up for himself to accomplish. The empty space that he leaves behind will be filled with the dark essence that he manifested through his life and black-magical work. His legacy and Luciferian Fire will live on through those few who truly knew him and appreciated his work for what it really was and still is. As our brother's goal in life and death never was to "Rest in Peace", we will instead wish him victories in all battles to come, until the Acosmic Destiny has been fulfilled."

This day was a very devastating day to me. No I didn't ever meet Jon or see Dissection live but his music has effected me greatly and also has help me in many ways. So I was thinking and looking at some stuff and Jon somethings seem to be off to me. maybe my brain is playing tricks or looking for something more that isn't there having such a strong connection to his music and wanting it not to be true. But Ok Jon took his on life following the ways of us satanic religion but does anyone see him in anyway wanting or looking to end his life through the photos and the actions he took with his music. It's quite amazing that a band of black metal underground could still reign on top after not releasing any music for so many years and really only having 2 other studio albums. Jon has always lived his life down the path he wanted as we have be shown through the lifeline of events that have been posted. Founding Dissection in 1989 and growing in skill and fan base through every year. taking the life of a person for the fact he wanted to. whats the first thing Jon did when he was released in 2004 he reformed Dissection and kept on going with the release of "Reinkaos" which was an amazing album. I still can't put it down after I got it the day it came out. The album is a masterpiece and will always be in my top albums of all time. So Jon reforms Dissection releases an album and begins to get shows set up with a strong and more fan base then the past. The band seems to be doing better then ever without the approval of being able to play shows in the USA. Well not too far after his denial into the USA he commits suicide a very sad day. So look at these keys points: Dissection strong then ever, Killing someone effects non of the fans, touring, and satanist. Now we know this world is corrupted and controlled by twisted people with a greed for power. Now Jon was very open with his satanist views and stating chaos all the time. Now would the government or anyone else want a satanist killer traveling the world with such strong views and influencing todays youth and other as well. We all know that answer. So given that some part of me thinks he may not have actually killed himself after all. Now this is a just theory of sort so open your eyes. the world is controlled by fuck tards so remember nothing is safe and ours at anytime someone could take it away. In my last words I would say open your eyes and see things from outside the box.


Inner Self

Acknowledge the Present

Posted on 2007.12.22 at 03:28
Current Music: Arcturus- Star-crossed
well to the few who actually read my LJ here yea it's that time I update it again. The one update a month from seems to be my pattern. Not that I don't like this LJ just I get on computer and see internet and World of Warcraft Hmmm... WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! yea kinda an ADDICT, it's safe to say. Anyways besides the life of WOW I've been working part time at Play N trade in San Lorenzo, a local Video Game store which is a cool job just doesn't play as much as I would like and hours are shitty but my friend Arvin hooked it up so thx man. It's been so cold here as late damn California weather is crazy been hitting low 30's and 40's. That may not be cold for some of you but living here you kinda get used to 65-78 degree weather anything else seems cold and too hot LOL. Yea shitty Bay Area making us so weak to weather conditions. Damn the Black Metal gods are looking down on me( You unworthy Fool, How can you not handle the Grim and Cold?). But yea been so many damn people everywhere as late too Xmas Madness as always so fucking annoying, I can't stand going out and everywhere I go have to deal with crowds and society. Sort have become a recluse as of late too just at a point I guess where I needed to cut myself off from the world and its social parasites. If no one noticed I just recently deleted Myspace page just got sick of it's pointless nonsense. Seeing who added me today and looking and listening to Bands profile's of which Cd's I already own. So whats the point? I recently made a Facebook page thx to my lovely Hilary showing me all the cool stuff you can do and games really awesome place. Oh sorry for delays on things on Facebook guys still getting used to the site =). So I've really been thinking much about MUSIC as of late I'm really missing having a band to write, play , and perform with. I've been self analyzing myself much as of late realizing many of my depression and laziness I have been going through as been a result of my stag net status in the Musical outlets I was getting before. Always writing new songs, practicing, learning, and traveling where ever we could get a show next. As well as I'm starting to believe that my hardcore ADDICTION to World of Warcraft is also a result of non music progression. I was attempting to work on music solo but in all honesty I am much more a band type of person. I enjoy writing lyrics, fronting the band promoting, and helping write the music in anyway I can. So with stating all this I am going to form a new band with a new direction in which I want to talk thats me and doing what I wish. In so doing this I need to find unique individuals who share some of the same views or at least musically to get back on the road and further my direction to my music dream and passion. I'm not trying to make this an advertisement but I must throw out there that if anyone knows anyone wanting to work on a Black/Dark/Experimental metal band please if you wouldn't mind please let me know or have them contact me. The bands image will be a part as well after the music is what the band is working towards. I'm trying to just the coolest looking band but I believe when a band has accomplish what they are doing musically that the image and what message they are trying to front should be shown and worked towards as well. For the fact that besides making ourselves known and respect musically we would be respected as individuals or seen who we feel in the inside. I really want to incorporate teh extreme factor but with a dark side using keyboards, female vocals, samples and not being a afraid to try whatever we feel and write. Well today is one of the last days besides Sunday Hilary and I have to finish Xmas shopping for the family's. Arg lame I fucking hate holidays. Well I hope all my friends are doing well. Later all til next time.

Inner Self

Santa Cruz

Posted on 2007.11.22 at 20:02
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Marduk:Vanity of Vanites
Well last nite the almighty Gwar was playing in Santa Cruz.I had to go being for last time I saw Gwar they co headlined with Cradle of Filth and didn't play for that long.So given Hilary and I plan on going and we asked Arvin and Jori if they would like to see some Gwar and being the human scum Gwar fans same as I they wanted to go.So day of show comes I didnt even wake up til 7:30pm just a half hour after the doors had open and we had about 40-50min drive depending on traffic.So I rush to get ready for the show not having time to shower just grabbed some clothes grab all my goods and left the house.Got to Hilary's around 8:40 ish everyone allready and waiting on me so we waste no time I only arrive to depart back to the car we go to begin our long awaited journey to Santa Cruz.With Arvin and Jori allready hyped up this is going to be a nite full of madness.While sitting in the back seat not really able to chat it up due to the loudness of the bizarre radio music of random styles, I sit back pop a happy feel good and enjoy the ride and listen to music with the brief talking with Arvin due to the volume of the music(if you haven't rode in the back seat of Hilary's car let me tell you it's "LOUD")but it was chill listen to some old skool tunes I haven't heard in days.

We had finally arrived in Santa Cruz sometime between 9:30 and 10pm.So we head down Ocean ave. the Santa Cruz tourist strip to proceed to Pacific Ave. we find parking actually on Pacific which I was shocked usually never any parking but we got lucky.So we gather our shit and head to the venue to find nothign but dissappointment.So we see all the mass's out front of the venue smoking and doing what not and we head to the doors to get our tickets to see a sign say "GWAR IS SOLD OUT" Nooooooooooo.The show sold out and we were unable to get in.We drove pretty much an hour away to not get in so lame.When I had checked the website early that morning saying there was tickets left still.Just Lame no Gwar concert for the nite.So since being in Santa Cruz allready we decide to seach for food at a chill spot that is still open.So leaving the venue we head up Pacific to see what we can find.We first find a Pizza/Pasta resturant as we proceed in we are told they are closed, ok thats lame.We next find a Pizza place that sells by the silce but as we see the Pizza isnt the most fresh.They make the pizza then set it out for you to pick your slice then they we heat it up.I dont know how old that shit is so Hilary and myself are like fuck this place.So as we continue our seach for FOOD we strole upon a bar in which is a Gay Bar and Jori and Hilary want to go inside.Arvin and I our like "WTF" but we go inside with them anyways.So we get hearing Gwen Stefani playing from some DJ from the dance fllor in the back of the Bar.Jori orders her and I a shot of Jager not really the best drink but meh whatever I'll take a shot.So then the luch she is orders herself another drink, some Rum and pineapple mixed drink which was rather good when I took a sip.I order myself the usually drink of my choice vodka and cranberry juice.So we chill for a bit as Jori orders another drink.After that we proceed to look for food.Jori being trash and me having a nice buzz guess my drinking madness is over such a light weight now.but did have other vices in my system with no food and only been awake for nearly 2 hours.So after walking around Pacific we end up find no resturant to our satisfaction that was open.So we head back to the car to drive over to Ocean Ave. to find something open to eat at.

Driving down Ocean we see Santa Cruz dinner 24 hour resturant we see fuck it lets eat there.Well Jori still feeling the effects of the drinks should be an very interesting adventure inside this little place.Well after the 20mins or soof looking over the menu we had finally picked our orders.(what can I say we are very picky eaters if you haven't noticed by yet)So out waitress arrives to be this older lady with the strangest voice, it was very low and very creepy like from some dead smoker raised from the grave.Anyways so after ordering Hilary,Jori and I go outside for a smoke as Arvin waits for the food.On our way outside we discover a quarter machine with weirdhuman parts and horror related stuff.Hilary and Jori go crazy and se what they can get.After smoking w ehead back inside to see Arvin's and Jori's food has arrived lucky bastards.So as usually everyone steals one of Arvins frys.Well during this entire experience Jori just can't stop smacking Arvin lol, which later turns into jelly packets flying along with throwing frys and spilt sodas. Yea kinda messy we were.But good times.After finishing eating we head to the car to begin our journey back home.After putting on some chill music and the drive back Jori and Arvin past the fuck out.After the long drive back we had finally made it home and that was our experience in Santa Cruz for this nite.

Inner Self

Just a little insight

Posted on 2007.11.13 at 00:41
Current Location: Eating hilarys ear off and drooling while sqeezing her boob
Current Mood: hornyhorny
Current Music: King Diamond - Gimme me your soul
1. Bryan
2. Burn (apparently I'm like stoned all the time)
3. Infernus (my druid)

1. my passion for music
2. being open minded (thanks to my love)
3. my uber coolness

1. i dont have a good grip on my smokes being taken outta my hand
2. my aroma of man smell
3. hm pass

1. water without pirate ships
2. not being raped by hilary
3. being the pedestrian while i dont drive

1. smokes
2. pills
3. my bumble bee

1. mercyful fate t shirt
2. im wearing this thing called flesh
3. and my ugly beanie (by hilary)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)):
1. KD king Diamond
2. Gwar
3. Dissection

1. I smell lots of things Courtesy of Bryan's big nose (added by Hilary)
2. Dissection Maha kali
3. Billy Idol - dancing with myself

1. Be chased by an Ostrich
2. Spit on by a hairy llama
3. Be knocked out by a Kangaroo throw another shrimp on the barbaaaayyy

1. for me to be honest and to be trusted
2. sensitive to each others emotions
3. more sex

1. Im a world of warcraft addict
2. I can't pee sitting down
3. I have lots of butt hair

1. light colored eyes that brighten the face cus they need to be like not retarded like small and poopy colored
2. nice shaped lips plumped wet oh yeh
3. very smooth long thin legs

1. be as cool as david hasselhoff
2. float in water still cant swim workin on it hilary teaches me im just dumb
3. cant stop scratching the little red cherries (the down there ones)

1. kissing my love
2. world of warcraft
3. making music

1. get my odin played with by hilary ;)
2. sniff a crushed pill off hilarys ass
3. and after all those light a smoke kiss my love and watch a horror movie

1. musician or artist
2. archeology
3. video game designer

1. tropical beach
2. norway
3. hilarys underwear

1. kumar jr.
2. floppy or flippy or both
3. pawnlop

1. be a successful musician
2. travel the world finding new things with my love
3. drink out of a pineapple cup on a nice beach with my love

1. hilary
2. jori
3. arvin

Inner Self


Posted on 2007.11.01 at 13:41
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Graveworm:Demonic Dreams
So yea Last Nite was Halloween, the grandest holiday of the year.The day started as a normal day wake up get High hop on World of Warcraft.While playin WoW some Drama happened within the game itself with my Guild.Several long term members of the guild all happened to quit the guild which was crazy some people that have been in the Guild for ages.But yea crazy Madness.After playing WoW for a bit my friend Arvin came and met up with me so we could go meet Hilary at school so we could begin our Halloween Madness, still at this point no clue on what we should do for the evening.So we met upwith Hilary at chabot only to frighten her with a suprise pull up in the car.Then we decide to head to The Bucks some good ol coffee.Driving to The Bucks Arvin and I were all confused on how we scared Hilary pulling up and then the tables changed making us feel like shit.But as we arrived at The Bucks we come to find Hilary was just all worked up by some Douche that seemed to follow her after class.But all was well.But the best part about it was the douche said to Hilary "Damn Girl you look like Death" LOL who the fuck really says this, fucking bay area douches of course.After departing from The Bucks we head to Hilarys house to devise a plan for Hallows Eve.Through all the many jokes, laughs and Choas we finally decide to go to NILES.A place of many stories and local area for hauntings, ghost stories and cults.So then Hilary and Jori began to get ready for the occasion.After everyone is ready we all hop in the Car Hilary,Jori,Arvin, Jenn and I we begin making our way to NILES.Well we didn't see any ghost are the famous White Witch but we had plenty of Pranks, Laughs and moments of great times.Overall the Nite was awesome ending the car ride home in a debate of WoW madness on who's Toon is the SHIT.But of course a devised plan on me everyone in the car all decide to hit the top of the car everytime I said "Dude or Fuck" not realizing it til we got home, but damn I guess I say "Dude" and "Fuck" more then I knew.

Other than the Halloween Event from atop, since it's been some time since I have updated my LJ figured write some shit down about my workings and day to day life.Beside the usual methods to my madness, I went and saw GWAR earlier this month with Hilary and Arvin.GWAR as always put on a great show but just wasn't long enuff to unleash all their Choas due to the fact they were Co-Headlining with Cradle of Filth.But it was a fun show.Didn't stay for Cradle of Filth been has really gone down hill and seen them so many times just wasn't looking to see them after GWAR hit the stage.So I just found out Dethklok is playing in Berkeley tomorrow and Hilary and I plan on tryign to go see them should be a fun show and very interesting to see how they pull the show off being based on a Cartoon and all.But the music is pretty badass.Should be an interesting event none the less.

So Hilary signed up for this class at Chabot college "Creativity and Spirituality".So on her first day since Chabot allows sit in's on the first day and if theres room for registering you can sign up for it.So i figured shit why not I'll go with you check it out.Well I must say the class is very different from which I expected.My outlook before experience was that it was just going to be reading and writing, which it has and no problem I have with it but it was more then that.Holistic Teaching expressing yourself with your feelings and working towards better yourself spirituality.This class is very exciting and opens your soul and mind up.We go 2 days a week Tuesdays and Thursdays.Given today we had class and I had a BitchFit and didnt go today.Sudden outburst for no reason.I hoping this class and help me with my anger and sudden rage outbreaks.I have so much anger within me and for no real good reason to really say when looking at myself.Hilary deals with it and try to help me which it does when I can stop and think, She has really helped me understand and look at things really different
If it wasnt for having Hilary in my life I would be on the same self destructing path I was on.I really miss having a band to write and perform with, something I want to do more with.But I have met some cool people and gonna try to get soem stuff together and see if we can make some music.I have so many ideas and whatnot just need to find people on the same page of creating music in that style and futhering these ideas with taking on new ones with people.We shall see.But one thing I gonna get a new drum set miss playing the drums.Anyone that see's this post and has one for sale let me know please =)

Inner Self

Myths and Chaos

Posted on 2007.09.04 at 04:22
Current Mood: highhigh
Current Music: And Oceans: Tears have No Name
Well shit it's been sometime since I have written in this here LJ.I guess with the madness of World of Warcraft and going throught the days it's just slips my mind to write my activties down.I have been playing the warcrack so much as of late shit Blizzard should be paying me or give me a job.Everyday got to make sure I put my hours in.But yea enuff of the WOW.Ok 1 last thing so Blizzard annouced last month at the Blizzcon which I didnt get to go to sold ou in hours so sad but yea they have annouced that they will be releasing a new expansion "Wrath of the Lich KIng".Woot im so excitied can go to level 80 now new spells,new area, more crazy armor and weapons and the Death Knight class.cant fucking wait even know release date is yet annouced.But what I have heard from other players that it's looking to be released sometime in 2008 so fucking far away but oh well gives me plenty of time to get moe cool shit for my priest.since I am on the topic of video games shit Hellgate:London is finally being released on Oct. 31st.Fucking awesome i so cant wait for it.Oh snap Now that I just said Oct.31st thinking of Halloween, Rob Zombie's remake got released last Friday I so want to see.I have always loved the orignal, and to have RZ remake it most be fucking awesome from the previews alone looks badass.OMFG AVP 2 trailer got released and it looks so badass. I fucking love the PREDATOR he fucking owns.Looks in this one they actually beefed him up the way he is in the books/comics finally killing everything in his path not teaming up with some human muwahaha.Comes out XMAS day, so I got my plans for the day.Has anyone noticed how much the music scene for bands has sucked as of late?Like no god shows have happened here in Northern cali for a while and hasn't been shit for new albums.Last good album I got was KIng Diamond's "Give me you soul please"which I must say is so fucking badass.But yea away from the entertainment aspects of life I have been trying to find a steady Job as of late fucking sucks trying to find something that pays alright and kinda cool you know.I kinda dont want to get some any job working at some shit hole dealing with fucking idiots yea well idiots everywhere what can you say.I want to get a job as a video game tester that would be ideal.Get paid to play Video games fuck yea.
Ok check it, so Hilary and I wanted to go swimming the otherday being that its been super fucking hot here so shitty.So we decide to go up to Guerneville to swim in the river and Hilary being really fimilar wit the town being she spent a good chunk of her childhood there given the fact her Grandfather lived there.So yea we go swimming in the river well Hilry did I kinda walked out into teh water for a little bit Ok go ahead and laugh all yes Me, Bryan doesnt know how to fuckign swim.I never learned how and I figured what the fuck for but yea anyways.So we go to the river for a few hours then we decide to go get some snack and gas before we head back home.Well given that it's a small town and basically everyone knows everyone.So we go to the gas station we inside grabbing some chips and shit the dude that works there was like "hey, you gus aren't from around here are you?"We were liek nah we from around SF area so dude was like "nice tahts were I need to be living in the city."We are both liek nah man SF sucks this place seems alot better.Then he says"oh really, this place is fucked up meth heads everywhere,rapes and killings its fucking crazy."yea thats crazy shit but living near oakland and SF well thats just everday fucked up area life.so we said that to him, So then he's like "well the river man it's fucking dirty it has ecoli,sewage,flesh eating shit it's bad people think that they can come p here and go swimming but tey have no idea."So first reaction Hilary and I are like FUCK we were just in that water.So dude was like "oh yea you need to take a shower asap.People get sick from it all the time ecloi poisoning,flesh eating shit,all kinds of shit."So we are like fuck thats fucking brutal WTF.So we are heading back to our area all stressed and freaking out about this shit, but I start think dude theres no way all that shit can be in that river with all these people going there to swim and what not.So Hilary decides to call her sister who happens to go to the river like every weekend.So hilary starts asking her sister all thes equestions about the river and she was like WTF, "are you fuckign crazy?'.She was saying I go in that water every weekend its fine totally chill mind you that she has drank the water gone in with open cuts had sex it it everything you can think of yea save your eww comments if you have any.She it was true small town fuck was bored and thought he could get over on us.What a fucking dick next time i see that guy I'm going to take a shit in a cup and make him drink hoping for him to get soem ecoli for being a prick.Ecoli for you bitcha.But besides that prank the trip was very fun and awesome.

On to other news I have been reading this book I picked up sometimwe ago titled "Myths of China and Japan".
So when I first picked it up at this pretty cool little bookshop in Berkeley I thought to myself this will be some interesting stuff on the dragons and little more into their culture.Well Don't get me wrong that it is about Dragons and their cultures.But It a;so talks and describes alot of other cultures as well as religion, gods and mythology through out the world.It has futhered my knowledge in so many ways with looking at religions throughout the world.As well as alot more about Egyptians, it's so crazy how the Egyptians have created and influence the world.I have yet to finish this book I am about 1/4 done at this point.I look forward to completly the bok entirly.But I am a slow reader you could say reading about 1-2 chapters a day.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Plus i really got back into reading comics books again.It's weird how you start life with liek a hobby of some sort and then you grow out of it but theres alwats something you go back to later in your life I guess and Comic books must be mine.Well considering that I have wrote a shit ton in this LJ of mine think it's time to give this entry an END.


Inner Self

Within Walls

Posted on 2007.07.26 at 04:26
But a little while since I have written in this here LJ.Well its final I have completely become obessed with World of
Warcraft.My life has consist of smoking cigs, OC,sleepin, watch movies and WOW.trapped with the walls of my self made cage,the one thing I have always feared and never wanted to be caged within a cell.I have been competely withdrawn from society and the social aspects of life.Could this be a self developed depression or the utter fact of being sick of the so called wonderful bay area, California.I will say once you have fallen into a runt of laziness and lack of self will it becomes very difficult to get back up.well yea anyways depressive words oh yea.
Has anyone ever noticed, mojarity of the people that have hatred towards god and faith tend to have some sort of self hatred.I'm NOT sayin everyone does, but I have noticed its a great percentage by just lookin and listening to people speak about it and life.i have come to believe that the individual that has complete hatred towards faith feels lost and abandon so they are hate faith because they hate the fact they have faith in them but want to kill it.yea I dont know where that came from but felt compelled to write it down for some odd reason.
well anyways so i took this online quiz to find out what flavor you are.Hilary sent it to me so here are my results below.i can't wait for this weekend HiLary and I are planning on going to the beach.i havent been to the beach in sometime so I'm really lookin forward to it.plus it will be so nice to get out of my house and go do some shit.for some odd reason i want giant burrito to magical appear in front of me.not just any burrito. A monstrous beast of a burrito.Well yea that would nice.well off to the web.

What Flavour Are You? Buzz buzz, I am Coffee flavoured.Buzz buzz, I am Coffee flavoured.

I am popular in the workplace, even though I am often bitter. I am energetic to the point of being frenetic; buzz buzz, out of my way. I tend to overwork myself and need periods of recovery time. What Flavour Are You?

Inner Self

Ode to Horror

Posted on 2007.07.11 at 11:04
I thought this video was fucking cool ode to horror icons and what not.Manson's cover of Halloween
from Nightmare before Xmas movie which isn't too bad.So check it out.

Inner Self


Posted on 2007.07.10 at 06:21
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Korpiklaani-Happy Litte Boozer
Well I just got done watching the new Transformer movie, and I must say it fucking owns.That movie was fucking awesome, Loved the way there design the Transformers, the fighting scenes were amazing to watch.I have no complainants on this movie what so ever.Everything was just "Awwww".I mean the
opening scene was perfect.I really forgot how much Transformers rock until now again LOL.But I do wish they would have shown more of Megatron and Starscream.If you haven't seen this movie I would
advise checking it out.For anyone reading this,If you have any insight on if they plan on making a
second please let me know.

Inner Self

Over The Ages........

Posted on 2007.07.05 at 00:41
Current Mood: flirtyflirty
Current Music: Skyclad-----Another Drinking Song
Well I had the idea and will to update this here LJ with nothing new or anything I have done recently but to reflect on the years of my relationship with my soul mate.Through all the sad,
painful,happy, and unforgettable moments we have shared.To me its wild how the fights you have really in all respect out pointless rage.I have started and said so many stupid things just because well shit,I have no idea.People always say "I wish it was the way it used to be" but to me why say that just make new memories that are great.People change over the years sometimes for the better and sometimes for worst.It's just human nature to do so.I know i have change it many ways some for the worst to be truthful.I wish my useless anger which I let out at times I could control better and not try to attack and hurt everything around me as I seem to do at times which is very cruel and unnecessary, especially to the one I Love so much.Hilary has been the most important person I have ever laid my eyes on and share my feelings with.I have almost pushed her out my life so many times reason being I have issues with anger and rage sometimes, yea stupid get over it I know.But yea, she has helped me so much and shown me so much through the ages we have been friends and more.I feel I have done the same to her.When I stop and think where and what would I be doing without her it's really hard to imagine Life itself with her.I swear she is damn cute and adorable, haha.I'm sitting her like 10 feet away on another computer having a music battle with here haha.I know in my life no many where I am if we are together everything will be great and good.When I am away she consumes my mind. Its like I have Hilary withdraws.With those words said and I don't want to over indulge in the writings of all my feelings and experience with her.It's always good to keep some feelings for your own and experiences well there mine and I wanna keep them that way.But below I am going to post some images in which have some meaning of our start as one in this chaotic world.Check you later.

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